Hey. I want to share a little bit of what happened to me lately, so here I go.
I’ve been in a prolonged anxiety and desperation with the going-ons in my life (this explains why I put the chopsticks near my eye, it says ‘tear here’). I’ve been questioning, wondering, pondering, digging why do I live, what do I need to achieve, what is the purpose of life, what makes a happiness a happiness, why am I not good enough, up to why did God put me this way, etc. etc. (I could make a lengthy roster out of it). These questions quite made me bewildered and are suffice to choke my lungs & throat. It burdened my chest. In someway, it’s one helluva severe hardships I’ve encounter so far. It hurts me inwardly. I could cry if I could, but I prefer not doing it.
(ctd.)
That was a caption I made on my Instagram back in 2018—I must’ve been twenty-one then. It was the year when the downpour of questions I never had was falling before me; what do I want to achieve, what should I become in the next future, what are the dreams I need to attain, do I even have a dream job, can I make my parents proud? Overall, what to do with my life. Let alone it was the year when I needed to finish my studies, thus the immense desperation.
I wasn’t even twenty-five when I posted it, but that infamous ‘quarter-life crisis’ does hit even before I—presumably, us—reached the age. And it’s real. I still can recall how heavy the stone was on my chest for I couldn’t realize how to crack it down into pebbles so I could breathe my fresh air again.
