Have you ever been asked about, “Why are you not married ?, when other people who are the same age as you are married. Some even get married at a young age, then when is your turn? Are you not afraid of your age?”
Let me say something, “Marriage is not about age; it’s about finding the right person, finding a person who can accept all of you, in and out, not about the good thing about you, but for the bad side too. Marriage is said to be a sacred institute, it is about not only about two people coming together but also about two families coming together.
Age might just be a number, but how much is that important when two people are getting married. Age brings to maturity, and no one can define the right age of maturity or for that matter, the right age to marry. A person who is just 18 years old, but looks after the entire household along with looking after a sick parent would be more mature than a 40-year-old person, who never had a worry in the world. Maturity comes with the life experiences and not with the age.
People marry for many reasons. Broadly they can be categorized under five reasons to get married
Family and society pressure
It is a popular belief that opposites attract, but they attack too! We all try to find the right person who can complete us. One who is strong where another is weak makes an ideal couple. The problem comes when we find the right person but we try to change them according to us.
To be happily married, you need to find the right partner, so what does age has to do with it? Who is to say that the person who is supposedly at the right age will find happiness if the person is wrong? Deciding to get married is not only about finding the right person but also to be in the right frame of mind. Do not let the society; your parents or friends decide whom to marry.
Things to remember when deciding on the right person to marry
1. Stop looking for “the One”
When we are looking for the perfect life partner, we are basically looking at our own insecurities and keep on rejecting the other person. As humans, we all have our doubts and we need to work on them rather than finding the person who will fix it for you. Marriage never fixes any problems. It will only widen the gap.
2. Be the change you want to see in your partner
We often think that I can change him/her once I get married. There is no point in altering the other person. Why can’t you change yourself? Be the person you would like to love and respect! Focus on what you can do right, let go of your own insecurities. If you do not alter yourself, after 10 years of marriage it will grow into problems that you would not be able to resolve. Be the person you deserve to be with. Put the focus on yourself.
3. Love is about giving and not expecting
It goes without saying that when you love someone, you expect them to love you back. On the contrary, unconditional love is pure, without any strings attached. Real love is when you understand the personality and things, that make your partner happy. Then simply not expecting anything in return. When you can devote yourself to such love, it is the right person.
4. Stop, wait and think again
It is much better not to marry at all than to marry the wrong person. Never rush into any relationship. Weigh the person, think about all the pros and cons and then think some more. Make sure you have thought about it at length before you take the leap of faith.
5. Get to know the person first
In some cultures around the world, live-in is said to be wrong but then arranged marriages are wrong too. Whether you are getting married to a stranger or the love of your life, make time to get to know them first. You would have to spend your life with them. Get to know them before committing. This is one of the most important factors why we have many break-ups and divorces these days. People tend to fall in love quickly, without unfolding the reality of a partner. Sometimes we think that it is easy to come out of a marriage or a relationship, but it is not always that simple or as quick as to enter into one.
6. Make sure that your thought and goals align
In a marriage, it is not necessary that the life goals should be the same. You must have a thorough discussion with your partner on your dreams and aspirations and get to know what they want. A successful marriage is one where both the partners have their path cut out. Marriage should never mean to let go of your dreams and hopes!
Another thing to be kept in mind is that these dreams should not hamper your partners’ goals. Marry the person who is not only supportive of your aspirations but has aspirations of their own. They should align in the way that both can grow together as a couple. There must not be any regrets or heartaches.
Choose carefully, let love not be the only guide. Marry because you are equally mature and ready to stand on your own. Never marry under pressure, be in a co-dependent relationship with each