I heard people say that healing can be a bitch, and I think now I know what they mean by that. Even though I know healing is a never-ending journey, dealing with unresolved trauma that I thought was already in the past made me feel like I was going back to the same loop over and over again. It made me wonder, “Haven’t we done this already? So, it wasn’t finished? Is there even an end to it?”
It feels so exhausting that I started to wonder what my life was like before going on this so-called healing journey. So, I tried to picture myself in the past. The memory flash showed me pictures of how energized, active, and productive I was. I was so good at my job—all-out, loving what I did, meticulous, aiming high. I was also socially busy with my circle of friends, going for coffee, movies, or holidays. We had fun, shared stories, and of course… gossiped. A smile drew on my face. Those were really good times.
As I reminisced about those memories, I could feel the warmth of those fun times as if they were happening now. Wow, life was that fun. There were moments when work was stressful or when relationships went south, but it was never this hard. Those problems were never this depressing.
Oh, wait… is that why some people give up on their healing journey?
